Failure, Faith and Frodo Baggins

I prayed, with the urgency only a mother can muster. I proclaimed God's promises, I fasted and I believed. I believed so much so that on the day before my son was born I declared the victory that I was sure I was going to see. I couldn't wait til he was born, the testimony was going to be amazing. How God was going to triumph over genetics and heal my baby boy. As soon as he was born we checked his hands and feet. This couldn't be...what went wrong? His healing hadn't come...But I believed, I fasted, I cried, I did all that you're supposed to do!! So why was I sitting there now feeling numb, like the rug had been pulled out from underneath of me. I said it was fine, that I knew God was good, but I was lying. I was crushed and I was MAD! I was mad at the doctor who kept saying I had such "strong genes" that it would show up in all 3 boys. I was angry at the devil for the curse. But I was mostly mad at God, which in turn made me mad at myself.  

We came home and I didn't want to move off of the couch, I didn't want to go to church and see anyone. I wanted to sit and be mad at God. I can remember standing doing the dishes and sobbing out of confusion. The enemy was whispering in my ear "It's all been a lie." "You didn't pray right, this is your fault." "He doesn't hear you when you cry!" Finally one day the words from one of my favorite stories of all time rang through my head. "I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." Thank God for Frodo Baggins and thank God for the Word hidden in my heart. 

 

"I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." - Frodo Baggins

Yesterday my good friend Kathleen sat as her daughter endured a 7 hour surgery to have a trach put in. Her daughter is a teenager and a wonderful young woman, who serves the Lord diligently. This is a family who is faithful in the vision, a family who believed for their daughters healing, yet there they were about to go through what they had asked God to spare them from. Why? 

The truth is I don't really have any idea. I don't why life is like this at times. Why it seems like dope dealing morons prosper and the faithful struggle. Why sober people die in car crashes while drunkards are spared. I don't know...boy would I love to know. But its not my job to know its my job to trust and obey. I sent my friend this verse yesterday. 1 Corinthians 2:9 That is what the scriptures mean when they say "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." Another that I kept repeating to myself, despite my struggle to understand, was Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord. 

See friends we get it twisted we think that peace comes from knowing. When in fact the peace comes from knowing you don't have to know. 

Tiles and Trials: Why I'm Grateful for My Son's Genetic Disorder

I brought a sweater. It's been a while but it's always cold here, I remember that. I remember the tiles floors too. When I close my eyes and think of this place its the first thing I see. Maybe from how many times we've walked the halls, or maybe its from starring at the floor waiting for the time to pass but I remember the hideous commercial tiles first. We have been for numerous visits at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children but surgery days always feel different. So here we are to do it all over again.

My mother, myself and all three of my sons, were born with a genetic mutation. It has presented itself a little different each time, but each of us have had polydactyly and syndactyly. Basically we have extra fingers and toes, as well as, webbing between some of our digits. Unless you are really looking or know us well you wouldn't even know anything was different. We are lucky.

The first time I ever sat in the waiting room there I quickly went from nervous to grateful. Our condition is annoying and it is expensive and makes finding shoes a real pain in the butt, BUT it is not life threatening. As I glance across the waiting room there are parents sitting next to empty wheel chairs. And not normal wheel chairs but the kinds with head restraints and things to attach oxygen tanks. I hear a woman in pre-op tell the doctor that her child's face is droopy on one side, and that she must have had a seizure in the middle of the night. Her lack of alarm tells me that this is a common place occurrence. As you walk through the halls of the upper floors, there are small, frail, sweet children wearing masks and missing their hair walking by. My problems shrink before my very eyes. It drives me to praying, covering each sweet family with words of life.

I don't know really what is I want you to get from this post. Maybe just to remember that there is always someone with bigger problems than yours. Or maybe its that life is precious and so often we take it for granted. Or maybe that you should spend time praying over these sweet littles and their parents who may not know Hope. Perhaps its all of it together. 

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Summertime Sanity Savers

This is our last week of homeschool to satisfy the 180 day requirement for our state. It could not have come at a better time, the weather is warming up and the boys are sooo over sitting still. I and am totally okay with having a break from lesson planning! I just keep telling myself, hang in there just a couple more days to go!
It seems like my friends who's children attend school are also looking forward to the summer break. No more begging them to finish homework, prying them out of bed in the early hours, or having to get them back in the swing after fun filled weekends. But it seems like all of those friends end up praying for the slow death that is summer to end, so they can put them back on the bus and resume sanity.

Well fear the summer no longer friends, for I have a plan! When you're a homeschool Mom the kids are going to be there no matter what, so the motivation is that they have something constructive to do and their brains don't turn to mush.

1.) Make a Schedule
Melanie Makes has this great idea for a summer schedule, something to do each day of the week, but with lots of summer fun flexibility. I have borrowed this idea and made you a little schedule you can print off. I would rather be stuck in a briar patch, than have children pulling at my clothes with distorted faces of agony telling me they're bored. You don't have to spend all day on these things, be flexible and have fun with it.

2.) Summer Bucket List

Sit down with the kids and create a summer bucket list. Fill it with places you want to go, activities you'd like to accomplish, things you'd like to see. Here are some ideas...

• Go camping
• See the moon from the beach
• Go geocaching 
• Feed a farm animal 
• Have a picnic by a lake
• Stand in two states at the same time
• Eat a worm 

The possibilities are endless. Make sure everyone gets equal opportunity to share even the introverts and littles. 

3.) Read

Every now and then you just need a little quite. If your local library doesn't have a summer reading program, make your own. If you have ones that don't care for reading, make it more exciting. My 5 year old, although quite skilled at it, does not really enjoy reading. So this summer for every book he reads he will get a dime and when he reaches a dollar we get to go to the dollar store. Last year we made a reading passport. It was a little book with different places to read (in a tree house, in a fort, by the pool, etc.) and they got to put a sticker on the page each time one was fulfilled. Show them that reading is an adventure not a chore. 

Here's to hoping your upcoming summer doesn't drive you to drinking! Godspeed! 

I'm the Mean Mom and That's Okay

My kids are friendly...very friendly. They often push me out of my comfort zone by striking up conversation with total strangers out in public. One day as I stood by the deli case purposefully avoiding eye contact, my oldest looked at a woman and said "Hey!" It wasn't a "hey how are you" it was a "hey you over there" kind of hey. You know the one I mean, the tone is totally different almost like you're going to follow up the hey with "hey dummy". I told him "It's not polite to interrupt with Hey, say "Excuse Me" or "Hello" When the woman corrected me and said "He can say Hey, this is Sussex County." As if somehow living where the air constantly wreaks of chicken feces and there are more tractors on the road than hybrids means we can flush social graces down the loo. I fake smiled mentally flicking her in the forehead for undermining my authority in front of my kids and informed her we would still be making an effort to be polite.

I am a pretty easy going Mom, at least I think I am. I let them play in the dirt, sometimes even in their Sunday clothes. I let them pick out their clothes most days, let their hair grow long, and even pee in the yard. But I do not and will not tolerate is disrespect and disobedience and you shouldn't either. My kids are funny, like seriously the oldest one can be downright hysterical at times, but we do not let him use disrespect as humor. I require that they be obedient and thoroughly so.

1 Samuel 15 tells of the disobedience of King Saul and how his rebellion robbed him of his destiny and anointing. He thought he knew better than God, he didn't. Sometimes our kids think they know better than we do, they usually don't. The Old Testament shows us over and over again that obedience brings blessing, and that disrespect and rebellion has consequences.

1 Samuel 15:23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as idolatry and seraphim. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king. 

It is for their destiny that expect obedience for them. I want blessings to fall on them like rain. For them to have a double anointing of what I have had. I rob them of that if I allow them to be disrespectful. If you have a tough willed child like I do this can be hard. I remind him that he is obedient (even when he's not). I reward him and praise him when he is respectful and accurate. And some harsh, legalistic minds would say I am bribing him, but what you are really doing there is showing them in the natural what is happening in the supernatural. Obedience brings blessing. 

The strong willed one is on the left. 

Check your heart, if you are stern because your pride will not allow you to be disrespected than ask God to take that away and to replace it with a desire for your children to be blessed and authentic. Remind yourself I will not rob them of their anointing, by entertaining disrespect. If that makes me a "mean" Mom than that's okay. They're more important than how the Mom's at the playground or your Mother-in-Law sees you. 

Eggs and Self-Discipline

I am on Day 5 of the Les Mills Combat program and a 21 day Paleo diet. For those of you who don't know basically Paleo is no grains, no dairy, no sugar, no legumes, no corn and no happiness. (I'm joking a little it hasn't been that bad.) Since I've started with my new regiment I've gotten a lot of folks say "You're thin enough, you don't need to workout." I'm not sure what qualifies as "thin enough" but I do know that its good for my body and mind to workout. And anytime I can take the opportunity to kill my flesh and discipline my mind and body its a good and most beneficial thing. Another benefit of anytime you embark on a restrictive diet it makes you more conscious of what you are doing. Whenever we do a 21-day Daniel Fast I'm always shocked at how hard it is not to just cram something in your mouth involuntarily. Awareness and self-discipline are two things most people could stand more of.

If you are currently going cave-man or clean eating here is a refreshing, tasty side dish perfect for this warmer weather we've been getting.

Diablos Huevos 

You will need

4 boiled eggs
1 avocado
2 tsp of hot sauce (3 if you're feisty)
1-2 tsp of cilantro, chopped
juice of half a lime












Slice your boiled eggs in half and spoon the yolks into a bowl.
Put the remaining ingredients into the bowl and mash together.
Once you have a smooth mash, pipe into egg halves and enjoy! So easy and so tasty.












Push yourself, start a new workout regiment, watch what you eat. Kill your flesh and shed those muffin tops. You will always be better for it.

When 4 is the Loneliest Number

Captain's Log Day 76
It has been 6 hours since the First Mate left to find food. The native's are becoming restless. The smallest speaks a language I can not seem to decode and as a result he often flies into fits of fury. I know he is trying to tell me something, but what. They don't seem to understand me either, perhaps they suffer from hearing loss...or maybe they do hear me and it's all an elaborate game. The biggest seems to be the ring leader, I think they are planning on stealing my marbles. It is a strange place to be, alone in a village of many. Despite the fact that it has been many days since I have even been able to use the bathroom alone, I cannot help but to feel isolated.

Okay so that was just for fun, but don't tell me you haven't been there yourselves. Yesterday the lovely ladies at Preschoolers and Peace  asked if, as a homeschool Mom, we ever feel alone or isolated and why? As a stay at home Mom its so easy to listen to the voice of the enemy, after all most of the time there isn't anyone else around to say anything different. We confuse isolation for being ignored. But don't twist it loneliness is a choice.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Alone is a state of being, loneliness is a state of mind. And even then, as Christians, we are never really alone. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us that He (God) will never leave us or forsake us. Just as we have to fight for our spiritual freedom, so as to not slip back into the bonds of sin, sometimes we have to fight for our flipping sanity!

We have only one car and my husband works a lot of over time lately. I have to make a practical plan to connect with other adult life forms. I meet with women 2 times a week, once to get poured into and once to pour out. When I am with the fabulous lady leaders in my life I make it a point to submit to them and be as transparent as possible. This allows them to keep me accountable and encouraged and for my life to have set of checks and balances. Unless you live like Eustice Conway (I really enjoy Mountain Men on the History Channel.) and have no access to the outside world but then how are you reading this blog... there is always a way to connect. My close friends where I live do not homeschool or stay at home, so I make it a point to keep in touch and text my homeschool Mom friends that live out of town.

Some of the awesome women that pour into my life! 

Remember you are not alone, even when it feels its loneliest! Make a plan to connect with other women on 2 separate occasions this week. Your sanity is your responsibility, so let's stop blaming it on the natives.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecc. 4:9-10

Before... and After.

I have recently started as a Beachbody Coach. Beachbody is a fantastic company that helps people in getting fit and healthy. It is responsible for programs like Insanity and P90X. I've only been doing it for a little while and already there is one question that people ask me on a frequent basis. "Do you think I'm too fat to do this?" "Do you think I'm in shape enough to do this workout?" I think this question is based off of a lie that the enemy (the devil) tells us.

Think about this question for a moment. Basically what is being asked is "Do I have to be fit to get fit?" The lie the enemy tells us is that we have to be right to get right. That in order to be holy (set apart) we have to already be holy. He wants us to believe this in order to render us inactive. The idea that you have to already have it all together to start getting your crap together is ridiculous once we start to think about it. If we had a loved one with an artery blockage, we would want them to go have it taken care of. We would think them utterly ridiculous if they said to us let me just get this artery unclogged and then we can go to the hospital to have it taken care of. Wait...what? See how dumb that is. 

I recently sat with a woman who was told by a family member that she could not give her heart to the Lord because she was living a life of sin. Cause that lines up with Bible. But Jesus said "Go and sin no more." Not sin no more, and then come here. Romans 5:8 says that "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." While we were still drug addicts, lazy bums, terrible mothers He laid His life down for our sake. It's a trick!! You can not be a better person on your own, only through Him and with Him can we hope to be who we were called to be.

Do not let your short comings as a Christian, keep you from sharing the love of Jesus. Do not let your before, keep you from your after! Flex that faith muscle, burn bright!