The Thick One

I grew up in a blended family. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers. As I grew up my time would be split between two different houses, but wherever I found myself I was always the chunky one. All of my sisters are naturally slender, my biological sister is flat out skinny. I can remember going back to school shopping and hating every minute of it, as I tried on outfit after outfit in the juniors section with no luck. Not only was I thicker than them but I was taller than almost all the girls I knew. Looking in the mirror I looked like some bad SNL joke with buttons stretched tight and hemlines mid-shin. Girls were supposed to love shopping, why did I find this so miserable an experience? I had let my shirt's XL label, define me. I felt like a pair of elastic waisted, stirrup pants remember those in a room full of skinny jeans.

If this is you sweet friend, hear me now. Who you are is enough! If we are created in the image of Christ that means somewhere at our core we have everything we need to be the best that we can be! You were hand crafted, designed, fashioned before there were stars in the sky. If someone had used an unattractive, bulky frame to showcase their Picasso, would it make the art worth any less? Absolutely not! You are valuable, you are beautiful, you are worth the effort.

Even after a 50lb weight loss (thank you P90X) sometimes I forget I'm not a "big girl" anymore...although at 5'10" I'll never really be small. What I do remember is that whether big or small, husky or scrawny I am awesome! And because I am awesome and God took the time to create me with such precision I am worth the effort to stay healthy. My body is a temple and so I will choose to treat it with respect, both in how I handle it and how I speak about it. I will choose to run the race of life with endurance! (Heb. 12:1)

That's me...true story! 

If you're stuck letting your clothes tag, label your heart I want to help you. No more miserable in your own skin. No more negative talk about your vessel. It's time to change your perspective and your body. You can do it, because greater is He that is in you. You are worth it, because you were wonderfully and beautifully made. Comment below to get info on how to join this group, or message me over on Facebook www.facebook.com/moxiemaefitness 

It's time to sow hard work and consistency

and reap confidence and positivity. 

Why turning 29 will be harder than turning 30.

Tomorrow I turn 29. I don't usually make too much of a fuss over my own birthdays. They don't bum me out and neither do they make me excited, its just whatever. Until this morning. I woke up this morning to find out some friends of ours had gotten some great news. I was so excited for them, but it quickly turned into being bummed out for me.  Tomorrow I turn 29...and all of these things I thought I would have accomplished are still just dreams.

I have no bum steer to blame for where I find myself. Its because I am a dreamer and have yet to become a doer. I thought by now I would have opened my own coffee shop and would be, at least, a moderately successful business owner. At this point I would settle for struggling business owner just to see the thing come to life. I thought we would be in the adoption process by now, but with each bleak bank balance I feel like we are further and further away. Its not that I lack vision, its action that eludes me.

I am afraid that this coffee shop that I can see and smell when I close my eyes will be a bust. That this thing I have made so much a part of me will be a flop. So out of fear I don't take any leaps. I have had multiple opportunities slip through my fingers as I am almost paralyzed by the fear of failure.

I can see an adorable little Ugandan or Haitian girl(s) as a part of our freak show. I believe it is what I was born to do, like I believe I need air to breathe. So why don't I already have a savings account set up to plan ahead for paying for the high cost?...lack of action.

As I scan over the landscape of 28 it smells stagnant. Turning 29 is hard because I feel as if I have wasted the 365 days leading up to it. I had a beautiful baby boy and I know I did lots of things so I know its not for nothing, but I didn't really make it something either. 30 will be different. 29 will be the year I rise out of the ashes of inactivity and make it count. My plan is to live enough and work enough and share enough and care enough to make up for 28 and every other year that came before it. 30 will not be this hard!

You see then that a man is justified by works,and not by faith only. James 2:24

Let the Good Times Roll - Road Trips with Toddlers

We woke up early, packed the car, loaded the kids, and prepared to embark on our journey. I have been to dangerous, war torn countries, flown countless hours across open ocean, and sat in a dirty airport for hours as an assassination attempt was made just outside the walls. But I don't know if I had ever been as nervous as I was as when my Mother and I decided to take my two sons on a sixteen hour car ride to the pan-handle of Florida. As the doors closed I knew our fate was sealed. There would be no turning back, once we left that was it. If they decided to flip out it would surely be a 16 hour drive into the mouth of hell itself. Once we were further South than the oldest had been before he started to ask every 5 minutes "Is this Florida."...We were in Maryland. I looked at my mother and calmly proclaimed "We're screwed!" But it wasn't that bad, seriously! I brought the DVD player and plenty of movies but they were so engaged in the other things I got I think they watched one movie in 16 hours of driving. How did I do it? How did I journey into Mordor with two tiny hobbits and emerge victorious?? I will tell you!

You may know by now I am adamantly opposed to winging anything. You have to have a plan! And my plan was almost full proof it was a multi-faceted distraction technique that kept us all sane for the long haul. 

First here are my must haves for any car ride longer than a couple hours. 

• Dollar Store Cookie Sheet - Do not leave home without this!! It is a magnet board, it is a food tray, it keeps crayons from rolling away. I even used permanent marker to draw train tracks on ours to they had a little track for their cars and trains. Seriously you'll wonder why you never used one before. 
• Melissa and Doug Reusable Sticker Pads - I mean seriously genius! These keep the boys busy for hours and at $5 for infinite possibilities it is totally worth the buy. I took the reusable stickers and put them in a ziploc bag taped to the back of each scene sheet. This kept them from getting dirty and not sticking, as well as, kept them from getting lost in the seats or on the floor. 
• Audio Books - Go to your local library and get a few of these for free. Since we have two boys I always check out a second copy of the book so they can both flip through and look at the pictures and words as we go.  
• Healthy Snacks - Let me stress the healthy part of this. The last place you want your kids to have a sugar high is locked in and strapped down for multiple hours. Why would you do that to yourself?? My favorites are Happy Family Brands Organic Baby Food Pouches  and homemade trail mix. 

Next make a schedule. I know that may sound weird for just sitting in the car, but if you plan out your activities and games being sure to spread them out it will keep them from being going through everything in the first few hours and then being miserable for the last 10! I printed "train tickets" for them and every hour of the trip I would ask for their tickets and punch a hole. They looked forward to me bellowing every hour in my best old timey voice. "Tickets, tickets please. Next stop Cucamonga!" Then I had a brown paper bag scheduled for every 2 hours of the trip. The bags were filled with dollar store finds. Magnets for their cookie sheets, silly putty, sunglasses, a new hot wheels car, and snacks to name a few. When you stop for the bathroom really encourage them to move. Have everyone do jumping jacks or roll down a hill, something to exert some energy. I brought a book with me with fun facts about the states, when we'd enter a new state I would read about it. I showed them a picture of the state flag and you would have to shout out each time you spotted it! 

I could go on for hours, but I think you get the idea! So don't be afraid, take the trip, enjoy the journey! Godspeed friends! 

The boys with their tickets! 

A Space For Grace

"Amazing grace how sweet the sound..." If you've spent any amount of time in church or around the churched you are, no doubt, familiar with this hymn. I sang this to myself yesterday and immediately paused after that line. How sweet...why sweet? What is it about the sound of grace that makes it music to our ears. As Philip Yancey askes, in his award winning book, what is it that is so amazing about grace?

We live in a world where we are taught two wrongs do in fact make a right. Our society teaches us to rip apart and serve on a platter those who have crossed us. If you doubt this for even a second think about how quickly we turned on Jon and Kate Plus 8, when they were less than perfect. As if we are warriors on a jaded crusade to out the posers, we offer up the less than perfect to the slaughter.

I imagine the thing that is so sweet about the sound of grace is simply the contrast of it. The sound is sweet, the act so amazing because it is elusive. Philip Yancey says in his book (If you've never read it, do yourself the favor.) "Grace is the most perplexing, powerful force in the universe,  and, I believe, the only hope for our twisted, violent planet." I think most of us would agree that sinners need grace. But what about the saints? Friends if your understanding of the Word and salvation has made you bitter towards mistake makers, I dare say you have missed the point. I've been dealing with this a lot in the last couple years. So much room and understanding I had for the lost, after all they don't know any better. But when it came to the brethren, how quickly I was to judge and cast aside. "You knew better and you did it anyway! You deserve your mess! You deserve for me to embarrass you in public." I would think to myself. News flash: We all deserve our mess. If we are playing this game based on what  we have coming to us, everyone loses. My fabulous Pastor's wife said once that "When we respond to hurt with love, the world gets to see Jesus." Grace does the most good, when it is least deserved. Every time we respond to hurt with more hurt, we ruin our witness. 

So give grace, give it til it hurts. He did. Give the kind of grace you'd hope to receive. If we can not allow people to be human it is most likely because we think of ourselves higher than we ought to. At the end of the day, do you really want to be the one yelling "Crucify him." Don't free the Barabas inside of you, in an effort to be right. Save a space in your heart for grace friends!

Be Still Clothing Company I just love all of their stuff! 

This Be Still is from another verse, but I'm going to use it anyway. ;) 

The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still. Ex. 14:14 

Technical Difficulties: Our T.V. Free Week

"What do you think about shutting off the T.V. for a week?" Like some sort of guerrilla warrior I dropped the bomb out of thin air.  "A what now?" my husband responded. "A T.V. Free Week. I think we are sucked in." With MUCH hesitation in his voice my husband agreed. 

We had gotten way to comfortable with having the T.V. on.... A LOT! We were eating in front of the T.V. 5 or so nights a week. The kids had gotten to point where they had assumed it was one of their inalienable rights as a member of the family. Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Cartoons I realized something needed to be done when my son had a fit when I told him he couldn't have the T.V. on one afternoon. They play outside a lot but on rainy days they just want to vegetate. I said "That's enough T.V. for the day." With a groan from deep within he replied "Noooooo. I need to watch it! If you don't let me watch it I will be unhappy the rest of the day." It was like a siren went off, Houston we have a problem. First of all I do not respond well to manipulation tactics. Second the fact that he thought it would alter his entire day and mood was a serious problem. 

How did I get here? I was the Mom that was super anal retentive about T.V. time. We don't allow them to have game devices yet, they aren't permitted to have a television in there room. But here we were suckling off the teat of the boob tube. And even though I heard from some parents that the amount of time they were spending was nothing compared to their child's screen time, I was not okay with this. 

So starting last Monday we went one full week without the television. No learning movies online, none of it. I just knew this was going to bring us closer as a family. I had these visions of us playing board games and chuckling to ourselves. And while there was some of that. There was also a lot of down time fights. The two older boys had nothing else to do but play together which was resulting in lots of arguments and a couple open handed slaps to the chest. It seemed to me that this may have been back firing. It also made me realize that I had been using it as a babysitter and mediator far too frequently. Despite the fights we made it through, and really with far less protest than I suspected. We got about 200 minutes worth of reading in. Played a board game nearly every night, and I'm sure saved on some electric. 

Best of all it worked like a reset. Last night we sat down to the table to eat, no questions asked. They watched one show with breakfast and outside they went. No begging for another and then another. Asking for audio books instead of videos. Bondage no matter what form it comes in is never okay. If you feel like you MUST do anything it would do you well to remove it for a while. 

Now, See, I am freeing you today from the chains upon your hands... Jeremiah 40:4a 

Your Word, Your Bond, and Your Workout.

"Faithfulness, he talked of Madame, you're enduring faithfulness." says the Dread Pirate Roberts. (That's right I just quoted the Princess Bride!) Would anyone say this of us? Are the things you say and do marked by consistency and authenticity?

Hands down the number one excuse I have heard for not getting fit, since I have started as a Beachbody Coach, is that they won't stick with it. That people can't stay motivated or consistent. If this sounds like you, let me ask you some other questions. Are you often late? Or don't show up where you say you will be? Then my friend your issue isn't fat, it's faithfulness! It is a spirit of adultery that makes us choose the comfort of the couch over the sweat of a workout. It is lust that says "I know I agreed to be there, but I'm having so much fun here." Flakiness is only cute on T.V. sitcoms, and even then its really not that cute. 

My favorite flake. 

This may seem harsh, and it is, but its harsh because the problem is much larger than whether or not you get fit. Your word is your bond. If we tell people that Jesus is alive, and we tell them of how He has transformed our lives and then we also tell them we will be there at 2:30 and don't show up until 3, what are they supposed to think? 

All you need to say is simply "yes" or "no"; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. Mat. 5:37

This is not condemnation friends, it is a challenge. Everyone runs late from time to time and people forget things, but that can't be what we are known for. Ask God to remove the disloyalty in your heart and put consistency and follow through in its place. He will do it, He did it for me! No more quitting! If you've said you are going to get fit do it! Stop being late, start showing up, you can do it! 

Failure, Faith and Frodo Baggins

I prayed, with the urgency only a mother can muster. I proclaimed God's promises, I fasted and I believed. I believed so much so that on the day before my son was born I declared the victory that I was sure I was going to see. I couldn't wait til he was born, the testimony was going to be amazing. How God was going to triumph over genetics and heal my baby boy. As soon as he was born we checked his hands and feet. This couldn't be...what went wrong? His healing hadn't come...But I believed, I fasted, I cried, I did all that you're supposed to do!! So why was I sitting there now feeling numb, like the rug had been pulled out from underneath of me. I said it was fine, that I knew God was good, but I was lying. I was crushed and I was MAD! I was mad at the doctor who kept saying I had such "strong genes" that it would show up in all 3 boys. I was angry at the devil for the curse. But I was mostly mad at God, which in turn made me mad at myself.  

We came home and I didn't want to move off of the couch, I didn't want to go to church and see anyone. I wanted to sit and be mad at God. I can remember standing doing the dishes and sobbing out of confusion. The enemy was whispering in my ear "It's all been a lie." "You didn't pray right, this is your fault." "He doesn't hear you when you cry!" Finally one day the words from one of my favorite stories of all time rang through my head. "I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." Thank God for Frodo Baggins and thank God for the Word hidden in my heart. 

 

"I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." - Frodo Baggins

Yesterday my good friend Kathleen sat as her daughter endured a 7 hour surgery to have a trach put in. Her daughter is a teenager and a wonderful young woman, who serves the Lord diligently. This is a family who is faithful in the vision, a family who believed for their daughters healing, yet there they were about to go through what they had asked God to spare them from. Why? 

The truth is I don't really have any idea. I don't why life is like this at times. Why it seems like dope dealing morons prosper and the faithful struggle. Why sober people die in car crashes while drunkards are spared. I don't know...boy would I love to know. But its not my job to know its my job to trust and obey. I sent my friend this verse yesterday. 1 Corinthians 2:9 That is what the scriptures mean when they say "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." Another that I kept repeating to myself, despite my struggle to understand, was Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord. 

See friends we get it twisted we think that peace comes from knowing. When in fact the peace comes from knowing you don't have to know.