Failure, Faith and Frodo Baggins

I prayed, with the urgency only a mother can muster. I proclaimed God's promises, I fasted and I believed. I believed so much so that on the day before my son was born I declared the victory that I was sure I was going to see. I couldn't wait til he was born, the testimony was going to be amazing. How God was going to triumph over genetics and heal my baby boy. As soon as he was born we checked his hands and feet. This couldn't be...what went wrong? His healing hadn't come...But I believed, I fasted, I cried, I did all that you're supposed to do!! So why was I sitting there now feeling numb, like the rug had been pulled out from underneath of me. I said it was fine, that I knew God was good, but I was lying. I was crushed and I was MAD! I was mad at the doctor who kept saying I had such "strong genes" that it would show up in all 3 boys. I was angry at the devil for the curse. But I was mostly mad at God, which in turn made me mad at myself.  

We came home and I didn't want to move off of the couch, I didn't want to go to church and see anyone. I wanted to sit and be mad at God. I can remember standing doing the dishes and sobbing out of confusion. The enemy was whispering in my ear "It's all been a lie." "You didn't pray right, this is your fault." "He doesn't hear you when you cry!" Finally one day the words from one of my favorite stories of all time rang through my head. "I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." Thank God for Frodo Baggins and thank God for the Word hidden in my heart. 

 

"I know what you would say. And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my heart." - Frodo Baggins

Yesterday my good friend Kathleen sat as her daughter endured a 7 hour surgery to have a trach put in. Her daughter is a teenager and a wonderful young woman, who serves the Lord diligently. This is a family who is faithful in the vision, a family who believed for their daughters healing, yet there they were about to go through what they had asked God to spare them from. Why? 

The truth is I don't really have any idea. I don't why life is like this at times. Why it seems like dope dealing morons prosper and the faithful struggle. Why sober people die in car crashes while drunkards are spared. I don't know...boy would I love to know. But its not my job to know its my job to trust and obey. I sent my friend this verse yesterday. 1 Corinthians 2:9 That is what the scriptures mean when they say "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him." Another that I kept repeating to myself, despite my struggle to understand, was Isaiah 55:8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord. 

See friends we get it twisted we think that peace comes from knowing. When in fact the peace comes from knowing you don't have to know.